Serious stuff!

I know it’s been a while since I last posted, but I’ve been going through some major internal turmoil. Now I know some of you were looking forward to a post about my dad and our relationship and I promise I’m still working on it, I’m on approximately draft number 8,836,975 and I keep remembering more stuff and it has taken so much more effort than I thought it would as I have to stop every 10 minutes to wipe the tears that are cascading down my face. To say it’s been tough would be an understatement!

So please bear with me for a while longer and as soon as I have anything you guys will be the first to know – promise!

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However, those of you who may have been disappointed by the lack of a nice juicy story will not be disappointed as my previously dull life has been blown apart a huge revelation, but before I tell you about this things you’re gonna need some background so you can understand why these this so huge.

Ok, here goes:

Before N and I got together I had been with a guy (who will be known as EC) and our relationship could have only been described as a disaster waiting to happen. I was 20 when we started to go out and he was 35, with a 9 year old son, who was a tad spoilt and not at all happy to have a brand spanking new step-mother. Our relationship lasted about three years and for the last year of that I was having an affair with a guy (MG).

Now, I don’t condone infidelity and would like to stress that for the last year of our relationship EC and I barely spoke to each other and in hindsight I can see that I should have just ended it, but I was only 22, lived a long way from my family (we moved in together after about 6 months) and had no idea what I was going to do if I was suddenly homeless with no support mechanism. I am a very tactile person and am a tad insecure (aren’t we all?) and so I need to be told once in a while that I look good or even for the person I’m with to tell me that they love me, not too much to ask I’m sure you’ll agree, however for a 35 year old guy EC was not so clued up on how relationships work and so he never did any of those things, hence the reason I went and looked elsewhere for someone who would do those things.

Enter MG, he did all of those things and then some, and I deluded myself that he would leave his wife (yes, he was married, did I not mention that?, wow your opinion of me just went through the roof didn’t it!?!) anyway, he did leave his wife, apparently they had been unhappy for a while and so he moved out, but by this time we had ended our ‘relationship’ and I had split up from EC and moved out to my own place, and MG had started another relationship with another girl, (TF) can we all say rebound?

Wow, this is a bit of a saga isn’t it?!?
So, to re-cap: I had left EC and was living by myself. MG was now dating TF, however while he was doing this, he was also trying to convince me we could ‘make a go of it’.

I forgot how complicated this whole thing was!

MG then left TF (it was a short lived thing, about 6 weeks) and we started a relationship where we were both single, this lasted a week and is in itself a whole other drama – let me explain:

We had a nice date and spent the night together, (this was Saturday night, remember this as it will become important later) I left MGs house and went shopping with my friend B happy in the knowledge that maybe everything was working out ok. We went out for a drink that night and then the text messaging started, it was MG trying to get me to break up with him by telling me how horrible he was and how he’d just end up hurting me. I (rather naively some might say!) just assumed this was him feeling a little guilty and so just reassured him he wouldn’t hurt me and that everything would be ok (oh, how sweet and innocent I was!) we saw each other at work all week (did I not mention we worked together?) and he was a little quiet, but as TF also worked with us I though he was doing this so as not to rub her face in the fact we were so happy.

We arranged a girls night out on Friday and we met up at a little bar near work and who should we walk in on, that’s right MG and TF enjoying a nice cozy, quiet (or so they thought) evening together. To my credit, I did not yell, scream, cry or fly into an uncontrollable rage, I simply walked to the bar and said “hi” as I passed them both. I then ordered a triple Screwdriver with a double vodka chaser!

So, I obviously didn’t speak to him again, for about 6 months. He eventually went back to his wife and we have talked a few times via F4cebook and the occasional text and things were fine. N and I got together a few months later and I was happy.

Or so I thought.

Now I don’t know about you but I’m sure all of us have at least one ex in their past who you think “what if?” about and MG was mine. In theory we were perfect for each other, both with identical sense of humors and personalities and there was always bags of chemistry, but I just assumed it wasn’t meant to be until I received this text message from him:

“Do you know what? I’m really glad you’re happy. Although I’m pissed off that you’re not happy with me, them’s the breaks!”

And with those two sentences he threw my life into turmoil and I’ve started to doubt if I’m really happy with N. Would things have been better with MG? Would it have worked if it had been under different, simpler circumstances?

Bugger!

Why me!?!