I had a nice post all planned in my head yesterday, about our holiday and a funny smear on the inside of our car windscreen that looks like a swallow, it really does, it’s just uncanny, I’ve actually restrained myself from cleaning it because I don’t want to wipe away the swallow. It’s so sweet.
However, a little visit from N’s friend G last night totally wiped away my good mood and has replaced it with something I’m just not used to feeling. Bitterness and jealousy, it’s not pleasant. I mean we’ve all felt jealous at some point, or perhaps envious would be more accurate – which is the sin?
Ok, Dictionay.com says that Jealousy is: jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself. and Envy is: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, possessions, etc.
So I guess it’s a bit of both, but anyway enough rambling, the point is G came round to tell us that his fiancé is pregnant – they already have two children, why do they want a third, that’s just greedy, surely? N and I want children so badly, but at the moment we’re just flat broke, we can barely support ourselves and there’s no way on earth we could afford to bring a little baby into the world. Well, unless it didn’t need feeding or clothing etc, but I’m pretty sure there’s a law somewhere that says if you have a child you need to feed it, but I’ll read up & let you know!
I don’t like feeling this way, but I guess it’s only human, it’s not much fun being in debt up to your eye balls and with the way the banks are going we might not even have a house soon, (ok I’m being a little melodramatic, but it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to) we’re just sick of being broke & working just to keep our heads above water. I’m even thinking that we might have to post-pone the wedding because I can’t justify spending £5 grand (which is cheap as weddings go) when we have a credit card that we owe that same amount on. I haven’t mentioned any of this to N because it would just destroy him, he’s not very financially minded and really doesn’t get this while credit crunch thing, he just thinks we’ll be ok & if we just buy less beer & crisps it’ll all work out in the end – I wish it was that easy.
I’m sorry this has been a totally whinge, I had wanted my first post back to be a little more light-hearted, but there you go. I’ll try better next time, promise & as soon as I get my arse in gear there’ll be pictures of Mickey as well!
